Tag Archives: unanswered prayers

Ok, deep down what I really want is…

What would you do if given an unlimited amount of time and an unlimited amount of money? What would you want and what could you accomplish? Uninhibited, what would you do? Those can be scary questions.

These were the type of questions asked when creating my 30×30 list. It can be an uncomfortable and somewhat dangerous thing being truly honest with what you really want. Because that would mean you might actually have to make an effort to go and get it. Uh oh. It’s definitely easier not to ask yourself those type of questions, but life won’t ever be fulfilling if you don’t. I know, I was there.

I was miserable. Sitting in that coffee shop years ago playing hookie from a job that was unfulfilling and living in a city I felt was killing my soul, I realized I was 24 years old with a lot of life ahead of me. The question was, what did I want that life to look like? That was the first question. After taking some time to answer that first question on “what” I wanted, it was time to take a moment to think about the “how.” Thennnnnnnn I decided that maybe that wasn’t such a good idea after all. It’s not a good idea to get bogged down with the how. Focus too long on the how and you can get distracted and scared away from the what. Quite frankly, the how portion is where God gets to come in and do His thing. Don’t be fooled, God is not just some giant slot machine in the sky or a magic genie at your command. Get Him involved when you’re developing the “what” part of your list, then genuinely ask and trust Him for the “how” portion.

Fast forward several years later after crossing 29 of my 30 items and I am proof that He did. And that can be the other scary part…asking God. What if I ask for something and I don’t get it? What if the answer is no? I’d rather ask Him for a lot and only get half of what I asked for then ask Him for nothing and get all of that. Not only is it scary to admit to ourselves what we really want, it can feel slightly ridiculous or even intimidating asking God to enter the picture. It can feel like He’s so big and “up there,” and who am I to bother Him with my silly wants and desires? The truth is, He would like nothing better. God loves being involved with the details of our lives. After all, He’s the one that gave us those dreams to begin with. He’s just waiting for us to ask Him. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Sometimes we feel like we are waiting on Him when really He’s just waiting on us to get Him involved.

So do it. I dare you. I dare you not only to create your list, I dare you to give it to God. Tell Him. Submit your list to Him and trust that He will give you the right things at the right time. And if He says no, there’s a good reason. Trust me, I know. The one thing unanswered on my list–the one thing I just couldn’t make happen no matter how hard I tried–was the best thing that never happened.  God sometimes answers us directly, sometimes He answers differently, sometimes He answers by delay, and sometimes He denies our prayer. No matter what the answer, it’s ultimately for our benefit. Number 29, own my own home, would’ve sunk me had it actually happened. I lived in California during the whole housing boom and bust, and if I had gotten my way, I would be busted right now. It wasn’t fun, but I thank God for His “no.”

Not a fun answer. But sometimes the best kind.
Not a fun answer, but sometimes the best kind.

Honestly, the whole home of my own thing is a slightly raw subject matter in my world. Is there a house in my future? Absolutely. Do I know when I’m going to get it or when it will happen for me? Not a clue. That’s not really up to me. But that desire is still there, I’ve given it over to the One who knows what He’s doing, and I just rolled that item onto my Next List. Oh, and don’t worry, I’ve created a secret mini list of must haves on this future house of mine to keep the hope alive. It includes a nice big yard for Scottie dog, double sinks in the master en suite, a soaker tub, and a fantastic porch/deck to put a porch swing or some adirondack chairs. HGTV is one of my favorite channels and I keep an Amazon wish list of decorative items to fill it. It’s always good to have a detailed blue print of what one wants. *Big smile*

Quotable Quotes From People Much Smarter Than I: 

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Day 19: Learning to be happy homeless…

It’s party day. Summer’s winding down and before you know it, it won’t be campfire and s’mores weather anymore. So before the chill really settles into the Southern Colorado hills, it’s time to gather the troops and kick back by the river to celebrate what has thus far been an extremely interesting summer. And now that the fire ban has been lifted and things have settled down since the evacuations earlier this summer, we can finally enjoy stories around the fire pit again. (Relax.  We are pit professionals. It’s 10 feet off the river, has a metal cover, and meets all codes and regulations. We even have a permit. All is well.)

Parties and little shin digs like this are right up my alley. Love them. Who doesn’t like getting good friends together over brisket, coconut cream pie, and a beer or two? I have a new appreciation for mini social occasions like this because not too long ago I couldn’t have any. There was a time when I went over a year of not having anyone over. Very unlike me. Not for dinner, not for drinks, not even to watch a movie. I was on social lockdown.

No, this was not out of depression, a friend shortage, or tightening the budget. This was partially out of necessity and partially by choice. The whole point of moving to the little town of South Fork was to help out with an aging grandmother who, bless her heart, was starting to need more care from my mom than she could give her. It happens, that’s life. If blessed to live that long, we’ll all get there someday. I was just glad I was in a position and had the opportunity to be able to do so.

Little backstory–my parents own and operate a bed & breakfast by the river in a little mountain ski town called South Fork in Southern Colorado, roughly four hours from Denver. About seven years ago they built a little house on the property and moved my Ginnymom there in order for her to be closer as she needed more care. Well into her eighties, she had reached that stage in life that she just needed to be closer, and there she lived for the next several years in what we eventually deemed “the cottage.”

When I was home visiting for the holidays one fall, conversations took place on how things were shifting and it was time to look at other options. After just moving back to Colorado, I just happened to be in a place to be able to be the perfect option.  The goal was to keep her out of a nursing home and with us as long as possible. No in-home care tech here…I was the assisted living. And interestingly enough, there just happened to be a position in my field open and advertised in the local paper when I just happened to be in town for Thanksgiving. I just happened to apply two days before the deadline, just happened to make it through an 8 person panel interview and a rather amusing and rowdy voting session by the town board, and I just happened to get the job as the marketing director for the town. (God’s funny in arranging things like that.) So boom, before I knew it I was the newest (and probably youngest) resident of South Fork living in a cute little cottage by the river with an eighty-eight year old for a roommate. Not exactly where I had pictured myself at this stage in my life.

I look back and I find this situation somewhat amusing. See, of the 30 things on my 30×30 list, there was only one of them I was not able to accomplish…owning a home. I so desperately wanted one. Came close several times, but for one reason or another something would shift or change and it just never happened. Living in California during the whole housing bubble boom and bust, it is a huge blessing in disguise and God-wink that this never happened. It’s true, unanswered prayers sometimes are the best answers after all. But that didn’t stop my “homelessness” from being a touchy subject and something that continued to pull on my heartstrings well after the 30×30 list wrapped up.

Over the last 1 1/2 years I stayed tucked away with Ginnymom in the cottage, getting used to small town life. Admittedly, it took some adjusting. I’ve been financially independent since I was eighteen and had been a twenty-something living on my own in L.A. before my adventures took me to South Fork. Learning to live next door to my parents and I had to learn to live and adjust to an elderly grandmother. She’s a wonderful lady, and although quirky, I am the one who was blessed while taking care of her. I had to remind myself of that every now and then when we became two cranks in a cottage. If I ever needed to get out of small town life, Denver and a myriad of friends were just a car ride away and always waiting to play.

It wasn’t until Ginnymom had a series of strokes this last January that forced the decision to invoke nursing home care that I realized exactly what had happened. Besides the obvious, my life in California was very different than my life in South Fork. Trust me, I knew South Fork wasn’t L.A. when I chose to move there. That was not the shocker. I hadn’t thought much about it until she was no longer in the cottage–but it wasn’t my house, so I hadn’t had anyone over to enjoy it in the entire 1 1/2 years I had been living there. I hadn’t really watched much TV because it wasn’t my TV. I hadn’t had people over for dinner because it wasn’t my kitchen. I may have been living there, but it wasn’t my household–it wasn’t my home. Out of respect for her, I went out when I needed to play. The first time I finally did have friends over to make sushi one night, that’s when it finally hit me how long it had been. Funny how you don’t always recognize the strange until after it’s over.

Even though I’ve physically resided there almost two years this winter and it’s been over 6 months since she made her final departure from the cottage, I still have a hard time having people over. Even though I’m the only one living in the cottage now, in my mind I am still a guest and this is temporary–an absolutely wonderful and enjoyable right-on-the-river-temporary, but still temporary. As much as I love it here, it still doesn’t feel like home. I don’t think I want it to. But I know God placed me here on purpose with a purpose and while I am here I intend to enjoy every minute of it.

So it is with excitement and a smile that I continue to help make preparations for the brisket and bonfire endeavor tonight. Who knows how many more of these we’ll have before I am no longer here and can have them in a house of my own? Owning a home…don’t worry, it’s on the next list. *Big smile*

View from Camp Calvin (bonfire basecamp) Arbor House Inn Bed & Breakfast on the RiverView from the backyard...I cannot complain.